My battle with depression

I think depression among mothers is much more common than many of us will admit. Granted, we may not all have depression on a clinical level, but I'd venture to say a LOT of us have it on some level. Here's my struggle with it; maybe it can help you feel more comfortable with where you're at.

My entrance into motherhood was rough. Five things had me spiraling downward. 1) Recovering from an emergency C-section took much longer and had many more side effects than I had anticipated. 2) Breastfeeding was the most painful and discouraging thing I'd ever tried. 3) Hormones 4) My child wouldn't do anything the books said he should do or anything I wanted him to do. 5) I was feeling bad for not enjoying motherhood.

In short, nothing was going according to my plans or expectations. It still isn't, of course. But I'm learning to accept that and roll with it. My depression level isn't nearly what it was post pardum, but it's still a struggle I'm quite prone to. Let's call it Depressed Mood, since it's not like get-to-the-psychiatrist's-office-right-now depression.

A lot of my struggle is caused by these expectations that are somehow deeply ingrained in me:

• I'm used to being successful if I work hard at something
• I want to be able to follow a formula to accomplish a desired result
• I get quite upset when things are less than easy
• I'm driven by perfection
• I like to be in control

You may be laughing right now -- that's ok. I know it's ridiculous and difficult (yes, impossible?) to subconsiously operate this way as a mom and not get discouraged/upset/impatient every single day.

Motherhood carries extreme highs and lows each day for all moms, not just those with my personality. Letting the highs and lows determine my attitude, my outlook on life, and how I react to my children is where the crux of the battle is for me. My tendency is to let the lows totally throw me off and ruin my day. It spirals like crazy: one spilled milk or potty accident can lead to me thinking my parenting is totally wrong, my clothes are out of style, I'm ugly, my husband works too much, I don't get enough sleep, I have nothing to fix for dinner, my children are going to rebel when they're teenagers, and can't I just get a break?!

This kind of thing doesn't just happen once a month around the same time of the month; it can happen every day if I let it. This is why I call it depression (depressed mood) instead of just typical motherhood combined with hormones. In fact, the example I gave above is a mild one. (Don't worry, I don't have thoughts of harming myself or my kids.)

So here's what I'm doing about it. First, my husband thought maybe I needed more breaks from the kids or time to myself. That is great and definitely something I needed, but I found myself still getting down after even short amounts of time with them. That showed me that it wasn't my circumstances that needed to change -- it was ME.

Next I made a page of inspirational quotes and Bible verses that speak to me on this issue, which I keep handy to read whenever I start on my downward spiral. (Helen Keller, Elisabeth Elliott, and Mother Teresa have a way of putting things in perspective.) I also admitted that my perspective on life was more whacked up on the days that I didn't spend a little time -- even 10 minutes --  reading the Bible or doing a devotional. Those few minutes don't always feel like they're accomplishing anything at the time, but I know they are.

And finally, I recognized the bents in my own personality that draw me to depressed moods: comfort and control. I'm addicted to both of those things. Unfortunately, neither is present in motherhood. And even more importantly -- I'm  not entitled to them either. I have to remind myself of this multiple times a day.

So my journey continues. Ups and downs of course. But my vision is clearer. Spending time with other mothers who are honest and real helps a lot too. Support - Perspective - Honesty: those are my "pills" in this battle. If you need the real prescribed pills, you're not alone.

There is so much more that could be said. Talking about it at all is a good start though. And I bet if you share your experience you'll find many others who can relate.

Pumpkin Paradise

Pumpkins are so versatile and delicious. This November we ended up with 6 large pumpkins. I knew they were cookable, but I had no idea the undertaking of processing 6 pumpkins. For two days my kitchen was covered from top to bottom in pumpkin (if you've ever gutted a pumpkin before you know what I mean. It's slimy and it sticks to everything). But the results were soooooo worth it.

After de-seeding, baking, scooping out and pureeing these guys, I ended up with almost 40 cups of pureed pumpkin. Check out the recipes I've used so far.

Pumpkin Pancakes : These will be a staple in our house as long as we have pumpkin puree in the freezer. Delish. (That's pumpkin butter on top.)

Pumpkin Soup : Always a winner, especially with roasted pumpkin seeds stirred in when serving.

Pumpkin Souffle : This turned out too watery, probably because it's actually a sweet potato recipe. If I do it again, I'll tweak the recipe. Flavor was good.

Pumpkin Seeds : If you do nothing else with your Halloween pumpkin, at least save the seeds. They are amazing roasted and have a lot of health benefits. I use garlic salt instead of regular salt on mine. I've also made a spicy version with hot sauce.

Pumpkin Bread : This recipe uses less sugar and more pumpkin than most. My first loaf I forgot to put the sugar in! It actually wasn't even bad, but I made a second one anyway and added raisins to it (anyone know how to keep them from falling to the bottom?).

Pumpkin Butter : Very simple and it made great Christmas gifts for friends.

And I still have 14 cups of puree in my freezer. Aaagghh!

So next November, when you're tempted to throw out your pumpkins, try a few of these recipes, or send your pumpkins my way.

(And please excuse my photos. I'm definitely not a food photographer.)

Singing the Praises of a CSA

I just picked up the last basket of produce this season from our CSA. Each week when we've picked up our delicious locally, organically grown fruits and vegetables I've thought, "Why didn't we do this sooner? It's so incredible. I need to tell other people how great this is."

I eschewed the CSA thing for a long time because I thought it would be too expensive or that I'd end up throwing away any food that I didn't like. I was so wrong.

You may think CSA's sound very southern and country, but I bet there's a CSA near you! And I highly recommend trying it out. Here are the benefits I've found so far:

1. It's very inexpensive. The cost comes out to $15 a week. Pictured above is one week's pickup to give you an idea of how much we get. Several weeks in the height of summer we received even much larger shares. This is organic produce; it would cost signicantly more that $15 in the grocery store for all of that. I was shocked.
2. It's organic and locally grown. I won't go on about the benefits of eating food that's free from pesticides, not genetically modified, and picked only a day or two before you get it.

3. It's expanded our food horizons. Many of the foods we've received in our share I've never previously purchased or eaten. Some of the foods I didn't even know existed, like these long beans, purple peppers, and yellow watermelon. Thanks to being in the CSA we now enjoy a much larger variety of fruits and vegetables than we ever have. And have you ever seen how brussels sprouts grow? Wow.
4. It's forced me to find new recipes. I used to get stuck in food ruts, cooking the same things over and over. Not with a CSA. In addition to learning to cook and eat foods I've never had before, I've also had to find a variety of recipes to use up the large amounts of certain items. (See my posts on Zucchini Crazy and Pumpkin Paradise.) It's always good to add some new recipes to the lineup.
5. It's stocked my freezer for winter. Our $15/week of produce not only lasts the week, it feeds us for much more. I have two freezers with stockpiles of anything we couldn't eat or give away before our next share arrived. I've learned a lot about what can/can't be frozen and how to do it.
6. It gives me food to share with others. Whenever I know there's something I won't eat or won't freeze, I call up a friend and ask them if they want it. I don't like to see things go to waste, and it's fun for me to know someone else is enjoying it.

7. It provides fun times with my kids. They go with me to pick out the vegetables, so they get to learn what's what. Together we've shelled black-eyed peas, shucked corn, and sliced bowls and bowls of watermelon. And they absolutely LOVED farm day, where we went to the Amish farm where our food is grown, met the farmers, picked some vegetables straight out of the ground, rode horse-drawn carriages, and chased farm animals -- a dream day for my kids.

So give it a try! You may even like it so much that you'll start getting your meat and eggs from a CSA too...We absolutely love the farm we get our meat and eggs from. Maybe I'll blog on that later...

Happy Eating!

Different Ways to Handle the Burnt Toast of Life

Whenever I burn toast (which happens quite often, unfortunately; I blame it on genetics because my mom and grandmother did the same), I yell in disgust and throw it away, making sure the rest of the house can tell by my outburst that something horrible has happened to me.

Sometimes it totally ruins my morning and it can be hours before I recover. I have a hard time remembering that it's just toast and it doesn't matter that I had to find something else to fix the kids and wasted several slices of bread and precious time. Dramatic, I know.

My husband on the other hand scrapes off the top layer, butters it and serves it up. He maybe adds some jam if it's extra crispy. Then he goes on with his day and I'm sure doesn't give a second thought to it at all.

It's a perfect example of how my husband and I react to life differently. He's easy going, positive, and not quickly upset. I'm overly dramatic, uptight, and find myself frequently wallowing in self pity over tiny events.

It wasn't until yesterday that I drew this analogy, when I found myself about to cuss over some burnt toast and throw it against the wall; but I instead took the toast to the sink, scraped off the top layer and found that the underneath was totally edible. We all ate it and went on with our day.

I stood there scraping the black bits into the sink thinking, "If it weren't for Nick showing me a different way to handle this, it would have been a bad start to the morning for all of us."

In fact, for almost seven years of marriage Nick's been helping me adjust a lot of things about the way I view life. He balances me out. He helps me see the positive in life's burnt toast situations. And slowly but surely I'm learning to see them myself.

On Suffering

A couple days ago I was watching Piers Morgan Tonight and Joel and Victoria Osteen were on his show. Piers asked Joel what he thought of the suffering of 9-11 and the age-old question "Why doesn't God stop things like this from happening?" Joel gave an average answer (he seems like a very even-keeled guy, so I wouldn't expect anything deeply controversial to come out of his mouth), but later I kept mulling over what an amazing response would have been...

The attack of 9-11 was an atrocity, a horrific cause of suffering. So also is child sex trafficking, which occurs even here in the United States; so also are the brutal rapes and murders that happen every day; so also are genocide, forced starvation, child abuse. There are people suffering horribly everywhere and at all times. How does God decide which acts to stop and which ones to allow? Does he pick the ones that affect the most people? The ones done against children? How can a just God allow some suffering and prevent other?

If we say God should stop and/or prevent one instance of suffering then, logically, we should expect a just God to stop them ALL.  But that is where the problem comes in. God has set a limit on himself that currently doesn't allow him to stop all suffering on earth. That limit is us, our free will. God cannot stop all suffering because to do so would take away our free will, our right to choose to do evil, what does -- in essence -- make us human.

But some suffering IS ended, and I'm sure some suffering is also prevented. How? I don't believe God is up in heaven picking and choosing who to spare and who not to. What I do think, though, is that because he can't stop all suffering, there's got to be some connection between us and the suffering he does choose to stop. I believe that connection is our free will exercised through prayer and action. (After all, our free will is what causes the suffering so it would make sense that our free will also contains the answer.) God is able to stop sufferings when we ask him to and partner with him in taking action against sufferings.

We look to God to end suffering, when perhaps He is waiting for us to do it with him because he cannot do it on his own (without ending the world as we currently know it). If we exercise our free will to ask God for change and to take action, I believe God can and will stop the sufferings we take action against. For instance, if we pray against the forces behind sex trafficking and get involved in efforts to thwart it, I believe God can end that suffering through us.

We are people created in the image of God. We have amazing power even on our own. When you put that power with the power of God, there is NOTHING that is impossible.

We have the power to hurt; we have the power to heal; it is we who need to take action.

Zucchini Crazy!! -- 10 ways to use it up

Disclaimer: I never thought I'd be one of those people who takes pictures of food they've made. But here I am. In my defense, it wasn't my original intention to blog on this; I had to pull leftovers out of the fridge to take pictures of them. Oh well, this is fun!

This year we joined a vegetable CSA and the abundance of zucchini and squash the past two months has had me scrambling for new ways to eat it. Before now, I've only sliced it up and sauteed it, which gets pretty boring after a couple times. And it doesn't reheat well, blech! So I went on the search for some new recipes and boy did I find some good ones. If you're looking to use up some zucchini or squash, here are several ways I'd recommend:

1) Fried Zucchini: you just slice it thin, dip it in egg, then in cornmeal, and cook it in a little oil. Delish! I added basil and salt to the cornmeal.

2) Next I tried Zucchini Muffins. I picked a recipe that uses a good amount of the veggies, because to me it seems pointless to consume a bunch of flour and sugar just to consume a little bit of vegetable. But that's just me.

3) After that was Zucchini Cakes, and let me tell you, these are amazing. My husband told me I need to make these once a week until we're out of zucchini. I subbed cornmeal for the breadcrumbs and monterey jack cheese for the parmesean (just because I was out of breadcrumbs and parmesean), but I bet they're just as good with the original ingredients.

4) I don't have a picture of this one, but I chopped up little pieces of the yellow squash and put it on salad. It added color and crunch. Yum.

5) I've also flash frozen some to have for later. To flash freeze you just slice or shred the zucchini, lay it out in a thin layer on a cookie sheet for an hour or so in your freezer (this keeps it from freezing together in one big ball), then bag it up. Nope, you don't have to blanch it first. I'll use the frozen stuff for soup, casserole, or baking. Maybe I'll add a new post with more recipes once I get around to using the frozen goods.

6)  Zucchini Sausage Casserole: Yum. But two things: the pecans were very overpowering; I'd use a lighter nut next time. And I didn't squeeze enough water out of the zucchini (something I've learned you have to do with this vegetable cause it's so watery.) This recipe actually made a double batch for me.

7) Added it to a cold pasta salad. Very good. I've had to start throwing zucchini into things I'm making, just to use some of it up.

8) Like with this Zucchini and Squash with couscous, herbs, and chicken. Just made this one up from leftovers.

9) Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread: This was really good, even with whole wheat flour.

10) Vegetable Parmesean: I forgot to take a picture of this one, but it was sooooooo good. I used zucchini/squash (of course), eggplant, and peppers. A winner for sure. (Thanks Karin!)

Next I'm trying Chocolate Zucchini Cake which I tasted at my friend Karin's house and had to get the recipe from her to make it myself.

As of this blog, I still have 7 zucchinis/squash in my fridge, with more sure to come each Tuesday from our CSA. Besides that chocolate zucchini cake, I may resort to just freezing more of it. It's zucchini overload around here!

Happy Eating.

The Simple Life

Lately it seems more people are living the simple life in many ways. By simple I definitely don't mean easy; just slower paced and with fewer time-commitments, distractions, and luxuries.Whether due to finances, health concerns, or just a desire to be less stressed, the simplicity trend seems to be growing.

Over the past year or so, my husband and I have made some of these changes too, all for different reasons. The changes we've made may not work for everyone or be a better way for everyone to live, they're just changes we've made that work for us and have enhanced our lives. Here is our journey; maybe you can relate:

First was our diet. We wanted to eat more naturally, so we started eliminating processed foods and buying stuff straight from the farm or growing it ourselves. It's a simpler way of eating, but by no means is it a simpler way of preparation or clean up.

Next was a financial hurdle that made us cut some luxuries from our life: cable and Mother's Day Out. I love my HGTV and TLC as much as any other mom, but now I've gotten used to not having it. I've finally gotten around to the books I want to read, and my husband and I veg out with coffee and a game of Scrabble or popcorn and a movie. We honestly don't miss it, and gone are the days where I wasted an entire evening in front of the TV, later feeling bad that I didn't do anything I really wanted to do that night. (Side note: if you or your husband are way into sports, this may not work for you. :) )

And then there was Mother's Day Out. When I realized this had to be cut from our lives, I was very afraid. No time alone, without my kids? This was a luxury I was not looking forward to doing without. But here we are, 8 months later, and I don't think I'd put them back in MDO even if we could. I've learned how to run errands with them or save errands till the evening. I've enjoyed trading baby-stting with my neighbors. We've made something work that's actually ended up simplifying our lives. No more rushing to get the boys out the door for MDO; no more packing lunches, buying school supplies, attending midday performances, worrying how many days of class would be cancelled due to snow or sickness. I LOVE Mother's Day Out and it has many wonderful aspects, but not having it has simplified our life. Not made it easier, just simplified it.

Another way we've gotten back to the simple life is not overscheduling. Getting the kids somewhere on time stresses me out, especially when they don't want to go to wherever I'm wanting to take them. We're careful not to overschedule ourselves, not just with the kids during the daytime, but with our evenings as well since my husband works 6 days a week till 6:30. We say no to a lot of opportunities because we know it's also saying no to the stress that comes along with those opportunities. We're no longer too busy to enjoy moments together as a family. That's been priceless.

One final way our lives have become simpler is in our perspective on life. After cutting a few luxuries out of our lives, my husband and I realized we have a LOT of luxury in America. We've taken a little time to sit back and think, "Do we really need all this stuff and to spend so much time running after things that aren't important in the long run?"  Honestly, if all you had to worry about each day was feeding your family, would that make life simpler or more difficult? It sure seems simpler.

I remember being totally stressed out one day telling my husband, "Sometimes I just want to sell everything we have and move to a country where none of this matters. All this running around, worrying about debt, retirement, clothes, hair, schools, speech problems, or potty training gets me so worked up. Most people in the world don't worry about these things!" Of course, living in another country would come with its own set of very real challenges, so I'm not serious about moving; but Nick and I are definitely making it a point to examine what's really necessary. Is the issue at hand truly important? Or can we simplify our lives by eliminating whatever pressure is causing us to be worried? Most of the time we can simplify.

So if you find yourself in a difficult health or financial situation that forces you to get back to basics and eliminate some stuff from your life, you may just find that it's a better way for you after all. We're enjoying our journey toward a more simple life. Maybe you will too.

Little Things

I'm at a season of life where my life is consumed by little things: little fingerprints on the walls, little boys running around the house, little teeth to brush, little clothes to fold, little things hiding in the carpet, little sippy-cup filters to fish out of the bottom of the dishwasher.

All too often it's the little things that I allow to overwhelm me. It's safe to say I am a person who gets easily overwhelmed. So a person with my demeanor who has hundreds of little things piling up in a day is sometimes a recipe for disaster. At the end of some days my husband (bless his heart) can tell I'm at my wits end and will ask, "Honey, what's wrong?" "Everything and Nothing at the same time!", I'll respond, usually with tears in my eyes and frustration in my voice over my own shortcomings. Because, truthfully, none of those little things really matter in the grand scheme of life, but they sure seem to add up to one big aggravating day that pushes me to the edges of insanity. And I feel bad for letting the little things get to me.

It's hard to find a happy place where the little things don't bother me. I mean, it only takes so many spilled cups of water before I am yelling at my kids over their clumsiness. Why is this? Does anyone have some advice for how to keep the upteen little upsets of a day with kids from making you angry, overwhelmed, and upset over -- seemingly -- nothing?

I have to remind myself daily that there WILL be little upsets all day long. I can accept that fact and brace myself for it, or continue to get utterly frustrated with the little portions of vegetables my kids are willing to eat, the little holes they dig in the flower beds, the little bugs they put in their pockets,  the little grease smudges they leave on the furniture, and the little stains they get on every new outfit.

Because these amazing little humans bring HUGE joy to my life and they are just children after all!

Lessons from the bird

I know I just wrote about things I learned while visiting with my grandmother recently, and here I am writing about things I've learned from the robin that built her nest 3 feet from our deck at eye-height. I guess every day can be full of insight when I take the time to look.

So one day about a month ago I noticed a nest in the tree just off our deck. The next day there was a light-blue egg in it. Then 2, then 3, then 4. It was fun to watch this each day with the kids. The robin sat on those eggs day and night until they hatched about 2 weeks later. Then she kept the babies warm and fed for another week or so. Then they flew off on their own.

We grew attached to those birds, going out each day to check on them (scare them was more like it). It was really cool to see nature up close and in action like that. We learned a lot about robins; and at the same time we learned some things about life.

#1: Pick a good place to raise your kids. With a whole family of curious humans in arms reach, I'm sure she was thinking she'd rather be in any other tree than that one. The branch also had no covering, meaning she was in view of plenty of predators. Miraculously, no predators came close. Maybe because she was so near to humans...so maybe she DID pick a good place to raise her kids.
#2:  Sometimes we have to sacrifice our own comfort in order to protect our kids. We had some pretty scary storms while the robin was sitting on her eggs. She was pummelled with rain and wind more than once . It was amazing to watch her sit there and protect them despite the cold, wind, and rain.
#3: Hold tight even when you're afraid. That mother robin was literally shaking each time we came out on the deck to look at her and the eggs. Eventhough she was probably scared to death of us, the robin had to stay on her eggs and protect them.
#4: When your kids whine and complain, just sit on them. Those babies were begging all day long for food. She fed them, but sometimes she'd give them a worm and just sit on them till they quieted down. I laughed and wished I could do this with my kids sometimes.
#5: Even birds have obnoxious kids. One of the babies never sat still, never stopped begging for food, and refused to stay under its mom. Watching her try to tame it made me laugh. All moms have the same struggles it seems.
#6: Death and difficulty are part of life. This was a hard one. One day there were only 3 birds in the nest instead of the 4 that hatched. We found it in the grass below the tree and had to explain to the kids that the bird fell out and died and, no, it couldn't go back in the nest. My kids had to deal with that, and I'm guessing the mother bird did too. (Unless the one that fell was the obnoxious one and the mom pushed it out of the nest herself. But that would be a whole other lesson, like how not to deal with post-partem.)
#7: There comes a point where you have to let them go. One day I noticed that neither the mother or father robin were on the nest. They knew it was time for the birds to be on their own. They didn't return and the babies, now with feathers developed, got hungry I'm sure. The next day I caught the baby birds taking turns perching on the edge of the nest. "They're about to fly away," I thought. How cool. And the next day they were gone.



It really was amazing to watch the whole process from start to finish. I was most encouraged by the instinct and commitment of the mom and thought, "With just those two things, I think all of us moms stand a pretty good chance at seeing our kids take off."

 

Pretty little eggs





  

   



All 4 hatched





Starting to get feathers




Ready to fly!



Learning from Grandma

I'm in Atlanta this week to see my grandmother. She's 78 and is here with my parents for a few weeks while she recovers from a fall that broke her back and her elbow (more on that below). I'm learning a lot from grandma.

1. You CAN survive on a steady diet of coffee, Cheetos and Little Debbies. No joke, here's my grandma's diet: breakfast is coffee with a couple cigarettes; lunch is Cheetos and a Coke (totally serious); dinner is a Little Debbie Star Crunch and another Coke (while she's here with my parents she's indulged them by eating a little of whatever my mom fixes for dinner that night). So here I am agonizing over feeding my kids hydrogenated oils, genetically-modified vegetables, and high-fructose corn syrup while my grandma puts nothing but chemicals in her body and enjoys it. Laugh. Out. Loud.

2. Life can be pretty scary when you get older. Technology changes so fast that I can't imagine what the world will look like by the time I'm in my 80's. Grandma has had to figure out how to pay her bills, maintain her house, and simply live in a society she can't begin to understand. Crazy to think about. Not to mention that her view of the world is pretty much what she watches on Cops and the evening news. Scary for sure! She thinks that's complete reality and is always warning me about stuff she sees on TV. Note to self, try to stay up on technology trends at least every few years so I don't feel totally helpless later. And never watch the evening news.

3. Hobbies are crucial. My grandma's only hobby is getting stuff done. She's a workaholic. Uh oh, this is just like me. She doesn't have anything to do here at my parents' because she doesn't have any hobbies. No crossword puzzles, no books, no games. Actually, she does watch Cops, so I guess you can call that a hobby. My grandma knows she's a workaholic. She broke her back falling off the ladder that goes up into her attic. The day after she got out of the hospital she tried to mow the lawn -- I'm really not kidding. My dad and uncle had to stop her. We were sitting on the back porch today and she said she's itching to cut down all the dead branches from the trees in my parents' yard. "Why," I said, "are you scared they'll fall on the house?" "No, just because I can't stand that there are dead branches out there that need cutting down. I'm a workaholic you know." Yes, Grandma, you are the definition of one. So I made another mental note to myself to make sure I maintain some hobbies all the way to my deathbed. Otherwise I might just work myself to death.

So, it's been a good few days with Grandma. I believe you can always learn a lot from previous generations, even though the things I've pointed out here may not be the deepest lessons.

Pretty soon she'll be back at her home in Florida, getting all the things done that she's so anxious to do right now. She wants to edge the lawn (cause the guy she pays to do it doesn't do a good enough job), do all her filing, get the house ready for hurricane season, and on and on. But you know, she'll have a good time doing it. And hopefully we won't get any more calls from Life Alert.

Happy Housewife??

(Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I'm working full time again -- this time from home, which is glorious. But it means my mind isn't as full of blog ideas. It's more consumed by work, kids, the fact that I haven't done my taxes...)

I've been reading this hilarious book by Darla Shine called Happy Housewives. Absolutely love it. It's definitely going to be added to my recommended book list (see left sidebar). She's basically changed my perspective on being a homemaker. Since having kids and experiencing the absolute shock of how difficult motherhood is, I've sort of made it my mission to help other unsuspecting moms-to-be know they could be in for the same shock. Well, sometimes that mission turns into complaining -- about anything and everything we "suffer" from as moms.

Darla has helped me appreciate being a stay-at-home mom. Not that I didn't appreciate it before, but she kind of woke me up to the greatness of it and how ridiculous I am for complaining about any of it. She's made me feel good about taking care of my own house and my own kids. She's convinced me that I do have time to do it all and look good doing it. That I can have my act together and roll with the punches. And that I can take pride in being a housewife.

Don't believe me? Check it out yourself. She'll have you rolling on the floor laughing as you realize that being an at-home-mom is the best gift of your life.

Hiding My Vices From My Kids

Yesterday my kids yelled "Stop sign Mommy!" as I casually slid through an intersection in our neighborhood. I mean, really, who stops all the way at the stop signs in neighborhoods?

I never have before, but this mom will be now. At that moment I cringed at the thought of my future teenage boys getting pulled over for not stopping at a stop sign, then explaining to the cop that they learned the skill from me. They're already so observant, the little stinkers.

"Do as I say and not as I do." Of course that doesn't work one bit. A vice we'd like to have is all the more excusable when we've seen our parents possess the same vice. I can't expect it to be any different for my kids.

So now that I've decided I'm going to come to a complete stop at stop signs, I've realiezed there are actually several vices I've learned to hide since having kids.

The biggest one is eating sweets. At first I thought I could sneak a treat every now and then when they were awake, but kids can hear candy wrappers from a mile away. I don't know how they do it! If my kids got a candy, chocolate, ice cream, etc. as often as I'd like one they'd be eating sweets all day long. I LOVE desserts and I do wish I could eat them all day long. But alas, I have to sneak them when the kids are asleep.

Another one is cussing. Now, I don't walk around like a sailor, but a good cuss word can bring healing to my bones on a rough day. Problem is, it's usually the kids leading me to this desire and I can't cuss around them. The last thing I need is my 2 year old picking up on some h-e-doublehockeysticks and thinking it's funny (even though it is; but it really isn't). So I've learned to hide my cussing too.

Is hiding our vices a bad thing? I don't think so. At least not when our kids are little. Admitting our vices to our children when they're old enough to discuss them with us - that's a good thing. It's good for our kids to know we're human. Until then, I'll act like I enjoy stopping at stop signs. 

I'll bet you've learned to hide a few things from your kids too...

Things I took for granted before having kids

There are a lot of things in daily life as a non-parent that you just don't realize the value of until those things are gone. I've taken a minute to make a very non-exhaustive list of those things, especially for those who are about to have their first baby. People tell you life will never be same, but they don't really tell you how; here are just a few of the ways they're referring to.

 

Things I took for granted before having kids:

• Getting to go to the bathroom alone and with the door closed
• Taking a shower - even a 3-minute one
• Sleeping in (sleep in general, actually)
• Sitting down to eat a meal
• Eating a warm meal
• Staying up late
• Staying out late
• Going out at all
• Making it to places on time and without embarassing stuff on my clothes
• A house that smells nice
• Reading the mail before it got lost
• Playing loud music any time of day or night
• Eating things that are bad for me in the middle of the day
• Wearing white or off-white
• Going shopping by myself
• Leaving the house to go burn off steam
• Being able to carelessly judge all parents whose kids pitch fits in public, whine, or have dirty faces
• Not having hemorrhoids (sorry, that may be tmi)

The good news is that even though having kids means you lose many things that you value, your life doesn't go down  in value one bit. It goes way up. You trade daily comforts and an easy-going lifestyle for a precious, beautiful baby and the many emotions, memories, and miracles they bring.

Motherhood is like Valium for my Achiever Theme

I'm the kind of person who likes to get things DONE. Give me a list and I'll have it accomplished in no time. I need to accomplish things in order to feel like my day has been worth something.

This is just another of the ways motherhood has turned my world upside down. It's like Valium for my desire to Achieve.With motherhood, you don't get much done. At least, not in the way of tangible things. You're extremely busy all day long getting nothing done. Seriously. I know, I know, I'm loving my kids all day and that's what is most important, but I really do need to accomplish some measurable things each day. If you're not like that, consider yourself blessed.

I used to have a to-do list well organized on my computer that I was able to delete things from when they were completed. Ha! Now I have to-do lists on little pieces of paper all over the house because I can't even finish writing a to-do list before my attention is needed elsewhere. Then I can't find the one I started, or it's been colored on or peed on or used as a spit wad.

In some ways, to-do lists are obsolete in motherhood anyways because how often do we actually finish an item on there? On any given day I've started at least 6 items needing done that aren't finished by the end of the day. Letters half-addressed because I couldn't find my address list before the toast burned. Phone calls that had to be concluded before a decision was made because one kid pushed another into the toilet. A blog that's taken 3 days to write because of a kid's repeated refusal to take a nap.

I do feel good when I get the dishes done, the laundry done, dinner in the oven, or some item of cleaning done. But I don't even consider putting those things on a to-do list because --  let's face it -- they'd NEVER get crossed off. They'd be on there every single day for the rest of our lives!!!! And the point, after all, is to cross things off. :)

Although my world feels like a circle of half-done projects jeering at me as I stand in the middle, I'm learning not to let this bother me so much. I can handle it for a day or 2, which is really good for me; but after 2 or 3 days of not actually getting a good chunk of stuff done, I start to get overwhelmed. Buried. Then I pass the kids off to my understanding husband and get to work like a drill sargeant on my list(s). It's amazing what I can get done when I have just 3 hours of focused, uninterrupted time. Ahhhh.

If  you're like me and getting things done is like medicine for your heart and soul, rock on. We need to support each other or else we're going to end up on Valium ourselves.