What's For Dinner Tonight

Our family has been caught up lately in the movement toward eating more natural food. To be honest, it's kind of stressing me out, even though I know the changes are worth it. It's hard enough already to get two toddlers to eat well; now I have to worry that even the "best" things they're eating could be slowly killing them.

Studies change overnight. Today olive oil is good for you; tomorrow it's carcinogenic (but only when heated!). All things plastic are killing us. Fruits and vegetables are killing us because they're covered in chemicals. Corn-fed cows are killing us. The list is endless. And when I start to make small changes to our diet, the onion just keeps getting more layers.

Ignorance was bliss. How easy it was to make my own 30-minute meals or drive through Chick-fil-a (and we still do those things every now and then). How much less time I spent doing dishes. How much money I saved buying foods loaded with preservatives and genetically-modified ingredients.

In many ways I'm happy to make these changes, but I do need to vent about how much they're really upending my convenient lifestyle. No wonder boxed food was invented -- it takes a ton of time to make stuff from scratch. And going to McDonald's is both fun (because of the playland) and yummy (they have the best fries on earth).

I joke about getting stressed out, but the move to more homemade stuff is kind of fun. Once my kids get used to me being in the kitchen a lot more, they'll eventually join me in the cooking. I enjoy knowing I'm feeding them what is as natural as it can be and helping them establish habits of eating well and well-rounded (although they haven't caught on to the well-rounded part yet). And I like researching these things for the betterment of our health.

It's just a much bigger project than I thought it would be. And everyone knows I like stuff to be EASY.

So what is for dinner tonight? Leftovers, because I'm tired of slaving in the kitchen all week. But you know what -- those leftovers are pretty darn healthy (unless we reheat them in plastic in the microwave...).

Decisions, Decisions

Once you're a mom for about 2 days, you realize that every day is made up of millions of decisions.

You are constantly trying to decide on things concerning you, your kids, your hair, whether or not to shower that day, organic or non-organic, find a sitter or stay home, spend or save...the list is literally endless. Some are small decisions that don't really mean anything in the long run; others are more important.

Yesterday was one of those days where I almost shut down because there were too many decisions weighing on me. Little ones, medium ones, and big ones all at the same time.

I finally had to sit down and make a list of them so that they'd stop bugging me. Once I get things out of my head and on to paper, they seem less daunting. And, as my life coach told me several times, getting them out of your head "turns off the faucet" that's dripping in there.

Well, I wrote them all down, so the faucet was off. But I still had a bathtub full of decisions that needed to be made and what was I supposed to do with that?

I did the only thing I knew how to do: ask God for help. James 1:5 says if I ask God for wisdom He'll give it, so I asked God for wisdom on each of those decisions. Some I was able to decide on that day. Others are still in the works. But I at least know I'm not alone in making those decisions. God cares about all the details of our lives, even the teeny tiny ones that don't really make a huge difference anyways (mac n cheese or hot dogs?).

I love wisdom. I can't live without it. I'd drive myself mad if I didn't rely on God for wisdom every day. In fact, any day that I try to do it on my own pretty much results in madness, so it's obvious when I'm not relying on God. But that's a whole other issue.

Off to do some google research concerning a few things on my decisions list...

All my faults running around on two legs

I have a tendency to expect perfection. It's a fault, I know. The person I expect it in the most is myself. And I beat myself up over my own faults. So it's no surprise that I take it personally when I see that my children have inherited some of my characteristics that I deem less than perfect.

My oldest child gets very upset when things aren't the exact way he wants them. I don't mean in a typical toddler way. He's quite obsessive about it. Who does he get that from? Me. And his tendency to be grumpy instead of joyful -- also me.

My youngest child wants everything to be easy. He dislikes any bit of pain. And he's incredibly stubborn. Me again.

Plus both of my children are fabulously dramatic and love to over-react about anything. All day. Just like me.

Every day I'm tempted to think I've done my children a huge disservice by passing my negative traits on to them. But today God showed me differently.

No one is perfect. (Ok, that's not what God showed me. I knew that already.) Faults in my childrens' character, personality, or perspective, are there so that they can work through them. Working through them builds their relationship with God and with others. It causes them to grow.

My children need to fight and win some battles for themselves. So if my kids are going to have any faults to fight through, I'm glad it's ones they've inherited from me. Because I can be there to empathize with them and help them through.

On a side note too, now that I think about it, I didn't notice some of my own faults until I saw them running around in my children. That bad attitude my oldest likes to display all the time -- mine! I like to say that having kids is God's way of changing the things in you that you've always known needed to change but never took the time to do it. Kids will do that to you.

I actually am encouraged to think that there are some things that my children and I will work through together. "Mom, why does our family always...(fill in the blank)." That will be fun.

And what a blessing to be able to recognize the things in my children that I don't want them to suffer through as I have, and to pray that they'll win their battle against those things much sooner than I did. They'll be able to go through life much more unfettered than me.

So, to sum it all up: seeing my faults running around in my children is a blessing, not a curse. And since my kids will be perfect by the time they have kids of their own, I wonder what my grandchildren will be like... j/k.

Appliances I Just Don't Understand

As a mom, I'm constantly looking for ways to simplify. Even 5 minutes of down time can be uber-valuable. So, lately I've been noticing that some of these popular appliances on the market just aren't for me. Three in particular. Now, I may think otherwise in the future, but today these three really bother me:

1. The French Door Fridge. Anytime I use one of these at someone's house I think, "Who has 2 hands free to open their fridge? And who can remember which side of the fridge they put something on every time?" Opening 2 doors is a total waste of time to me, especially when I'm in and out of my fridge at least 40 times a day. And I dislike the way the doors interlock too. That just bugs me. And don't get me started on the bottom freezer. What a mess! I know Samsung is coming up with ways to keep the bottom freezer more organized, but God help me, I need to SEE what's in my freezer without having to dig around in it, especially with two kids at my feet, in my arms, or begging for food.

2. The Front-loading Washing Machine. I was just thinking the other day what a pain it is to load and unload the dryer. I definitely prefer loading and unloading the washing machine (mine is a top-loader). To put clothes in, I just dump them straight from the laundry basket. To get clothes out, with just one load of kid's laundry, I have to reach in the washing machine at least 12 times to get all the little pieces of clothes out. Why in the world would I want to bend over sideways to do this from a front-loading washer??? I wish they'd invent a top loading dryer...  Or better yet -- a top-loading washing machine and dryer with removable baskets so that all you have to do is pull the entire basket out and dump it into the other machine. I think I'm on to something here!!!

3. The Bagless Vacuum. I didn't realize how much I'd dislike this until I bought one myself. Sure, it sounds appealing -- no bags to insert or pull out. They make it seem like it's less work. Now, maybe it's just the vacuum I have, but let me tell you it is WAY more work than my normal bagged one was. In lieu of a bag, I now have 3 filters to clean and replace. Yes, three. And they need cleaned regularly. Not only do these filters help pick up the junk in your carpet, they also pick up the smells from your carpet and carry those around, filling the rest of your house with the lovely odors until you replace the expensive suckers. And the plastic compartment where all the dust and nastiness from your carpet collects -- see through. Whose brilliant idea was that? Who wants to see all the dirt they've just vacuumed up from the carpet their precious kiddos have been playing on and undoubtedly eating food off of? Not me. I empty the thing almost every time I vacuum cause it disgusts me. And that just adds up to more work. (Probably about the same amount of time that's wasted by opening the doors on a french door fridge each day. :)

I know, I know, I'm probably just ignorant. Obviously millions of people have found the positive benefits in these items. But not me. Someone would have to give me a french door fridge and a front loading washing machine for free to try to convince me otherwise.

Now, don't even get me started on mini-vans...
And yes, the title of my previous blog below may be apropos at this point...

Sometimes I'm the one who needs to shut up

I had one of those moments yesterday where I felt like a bad mom.

After a full day of many little aggravations (naps cut short, popcorn spilled on the floor, lots of brotherly fighting -- just the regular daily stuff), everything hit the fan at about 6:00. I was in the bathroom getting ready for our family photo shoot. Kids were already ready (miraculously) and were jumping around the bathroom like wild banshees while I was trying to get ready. Digging in my makeup drawer, spilling loose powder all over the place, breaking the lids off my eyeshadows, spraying hairspray in their faces, tripping over the cord on my hot flatiron (why is that cord so long anyway?). What should have taken 5 minutes was now taking me 25 to get ready.

To top it off, they climbed in the bathtub and one of the little rascals decided he was going to turn on the water (yes, the kids were already dressed for their photo shoot). I know it was just water, but I had had it. "You two shut up and get out of here now!" I screamed. I grabbed them by the arms and swung them out of the bathroom.

My 3-yr old was so taken aback at my anger that he fell on the floor and started crying. So my 2-yr old had to join in too. I looked at my two frightened children and knew I had made a mistake. I felt like a bad mom.

I apologized for getting angry and they moved on to chasing each other around the house. But I learned a valuable lesson: who cares what your Christmas card picture looks like if you hurt your relationship with your kids in the process.

Loving Life Coaching

Have you heard of Life Coaching before? I had heard of it from a few people but had never really considered it for myself, until my neighbor shared the benefits of it with me and offered to get me in touch with a great coach.

After 8 weeks of coaching, I'm a believer. Talking with a life coach has been the best thing I've done for myself in years. My coach, Tina (http://lolcoaching.blogspot.com/), has helped me to put action behind several goals that I had set for myself but had been unable to accomplish on my own. Her positivity and encouragement have led me to not only achieve my goals but also to have a better outlook on life and the challenges I face each day. God knows with kids the challenges are in no short supply.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm definitely Type A and tend to see things on the negative side. Fun is not my middle name, although I wish it were. But after hashing through some recommended books, dusting off an old journal, and learning to see life and myself in a more positive way, I'm a new woman. I would recommend life coaching to anyone who wants to move forward in their life, whether it be in the area of finances, career, relationships, spirituality, or health. And don’t we all?

Life coaching has made a remarkable difference in my life. If you're looking for something to help you move forward, I recommend it. And I for sure recommend my coach too. Sessions are done over the phone, so you can live anywhere and still have Tina as your coach.

Check it out if you want more info (http://lolcoaching.blogspot.com/), and feel free to ask me more!

Too Much Sugar

I hit this wall the other day where I freaked out because I thought Cole was eating too much sugar. He's been getting treats for going potty since May. They say to give them the treats till they forget to ask for them and just go potty without asking for one, so I just kept doing it. I mean, not huge treats, just M&Ms or Skittles, whatever. (Not to mention bribery treats, special outings, etc., but we'll save that issue for another post.)

I didn't really know what to do about it, but I knew it was time for a change when I caught Cole in his room during naptime, treat box in hand, wrappers all over the floor, candy all over Jesse's crib and dribbling out of Jesse's mouth. "What's going on in here?" I said quietly and politely (aka yelled with huge disapproval in my voice).

So at this point I had to do something. Their teeth could be rotting this very minute. My husband and I brainstormed on other options for potty treats: stickers (no, the fun of those would wear off after 1 day), money, little toys. But later that day when Cole went pee I didn't have any substitute treats ready yet, so I just said, "There aren't any more treats for going pee. But you can have a treat whenever you go poo."

"Ok," Cole said, "no treats for pee pee, just for poo poo." My jaw dropped. He understood and was totally ok with it. You've got to be kidding me. It was that easy? Yes, amazingly it was. He must've known he had been milking the system for a while.

So I'm happy to say that was one of the easiest resolutions to a motherhood problem yet for me. I just wish I hadn't waited so long to fix it. Instead of fretting about it every time he asked for a treat, I should've just taken action sooner.

Lesson learned. And glad that challenge is over.

Um, when do things get easier?

I used to ask myself this question all the time. Honestly, I still ask myself this several times a week. It just comes naturally when you have kids running around making life a little more challenging than when it was just you and your sweet hubby enjoying the simple life.

You need to go potty again? Who spilled applesauce on the floor? Ouch - you just gave Mommy a bloody nose! What did you eat that made your puke that color?

But my challenge to myself today (and most days) is to open my eyes and see how absolutely easy our lives are. No matter how many things seem difficult throughout the day, they're really NOTHING to complain about.

The first day that Jesse was in his cast I thought, "God, can I please have my old problems back? They were simple compared to this." Now, I have my old problems back and I'm remembering that feeling and trying to stay true to it.

On top of that, even having a child in a cast is NOTHING compared to the real challenges kids and parents face around the world. We live such comfortable lives and I need to be reminded of that often. This past Sunday I learned there are kids in Brazil whose only hope of survival past age 9 is to go into prostitution. Things like that help to put my life in perspective.

I don't need to list any of the horrific things that go on in the world. We all know they do. For me, I need to remember these things when I'm tempted to think I have it so rough. My definition of "difficult" is what needs to change.

I need to enjoy today, everyday, and live with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. On top of that, I need to teach my family to use the comfort and ease of life we've been given to make a difference and not hoard it for ourselves.

You've come a long way baby!

After 6.5 weeks in a hip spica cast from breaking his femur, our little son Jesse is finally free!

Yesterday his X-ray showed he had produced enough bone in his femur to allow the doctor to take that smelly blue body cast off. We were ecstatic. Jesse screamed bloody murder while the saw was going (those saws are really loud), but the only other emotion we all felt was total joy.

We didn't know what to expect once the cast was off. The doctor had said it would take up to 6 weeks for him to be back to "normal." Would he be able to walk immediately? Would his leg be skinny and emaciated looking? Actually, it all turned out to be as good as possible. His leg looked normal except for having not exfoliated itself for 6 weeks. Even the pink letters the doctors had written on his leg in the ER were still there.

Despite some soreness, Jesse was walking immediately and now, one day later, is climbing on the furniture again. Please, child, give your mother a break! We don't need any more trips to the ER.

It's hard to believe this season has nearly passed for us. Although each day seemed like a grueling eternity during the first few weeks, the cast actually became a normal way of life for us by the time 5 weeks in it rolled around.

Jesse should continue to get back to his toddler ways no problem. We hope he doesn't remember any of the bad parts of this time. We've all learned a lot and it's helped to make us a closer family. For that, and many other things, we're super thankful.

Now for some massages (carrying around that cast for 6 weeks was brutal)...

Fear Everywhere

Fear seems to be around me everywhere lately. Not just any fear; the specific fear of trajedy happening to my kids. I'm sure some of this comes naturally with parenthood. But it's been popping up at every corner.

Jesse getting so badly hurt by simply running through a pile of pillows hasn't helped me be a less cautious mom, that's for sure. So that's one thing: fear of my kids getting physically hurt when playing. I used to be very relaxed about that, but now I'm on edge with it.

Then there are these horrible videos on facebook of kids getting hit by cars or dying in car accidents. I don't even want to think about stuff like that.

And a creepy guy at Centennial Park yesterday warned me, "Don't let your little boys go in that thar bathroom over yonder by themselves." Don't even mess with me mister!

Why is this stuff everywhere??? I can't even watch a TV show where a kid gets hurt in any way. I had to stop watching Grey's Anatomy 3 years ago. I can't handle it!

There are so many ways for our kids to get hurt in our society. The thought of losing a child almost paralyzes me. I'm in a fight now to learn not to be in constant fear about it. I'm not the one in control ultimately, and that's the scariest part! But it's also the thing I need to believe and to let go of in order to overcome all this fear.

The Upsides of Jesse's Current Situation

6 weeks in a body cast??? We were shocked at the news from the doctor that Jesse would be in this huge cast for so long. Neither he nor we adjusted to his new condition quickly. BUT, after a few weeks, we were able to see the good things God was using this time for. Here are a few I've jotted down. I'm sure I'll add to them too.
1. Jesse's small motor skills and hand/eye coordination have developed leaps and bounds, since he is forced to be in one place at a time, and indoors a lot. Puzzles, blocks, games have all gotten to be strengths of his.
2. Jesse's vocabulary has increased. Since he can't show us what he wants, he's had to learn to communicate it to us. He does still use screaming to show us we've misunderstood him, but we've all definitely gotten better at understanding what he's saying.
3. We've had lots more time together as a family, unscheduling ourselves and staying mostly inside.
4. We got to see what an amazing support system of friends and family we have. Meals, activities for the kids to do, friends who've watched Cole or picked up groceries for us, my parents staying with us most of the entire time to help with life. Which brings me to #5
5. The boys have gotten a lot of time with their grandparents, which is priceless.
6. I've become content to stay inside and play with my kids, instead of needing to always go somewhere to stay occupied. We've had lots of fun, and I'm now better able to keep them occupied with things we have at home. (Of course, getting lots of new toys from friends and family helped with that one too!)
7. This also has made us more prepared for winter, and my friends are already saying they'll be asking me for advice on how to stay occupied during long stretches of indoor time during the winter.
8. Jesse is more adaptable now, we hope. I guess we won't know for sure till he gets the cast off, but it's definitely a possibility we're hoping for. God knows adaptability doesn't come naturally for me.
9. I've discovered that I'm more sensitive to kids with special needs, and their parents. I could never fully relate to a parent whose child is permanently disabled, but I have a very good idea of the struggles each day brings in their lives and the myriad challenges they face.
10. Having been helped by so many people, I now have a better idea of how to genuinely help others in need. I'll no longer say, "If you need something, let me know." Instead, I'll try to anticipate others' needs and meet them without them asking.
11. I have a deeper love for my children. I mean, a mother's love is inherent, but mine has grown during this time. The extra time with them, with fewer outside distractions, has been great.

As difficult as this time has been (only 10 days left!!!), it has also been invaluable in terms of what it's done in our lives. Would I go back and avoid Jesse breaking his leg if I could -- yes. But I'm thankful that God has used it to do great things.

Lots of Talk, Lots of Mean

Both of the boys are talking so much lately. Cole speaks in full sentences, albeit indeterminable by me and most others. But he sure knows what he's saying, and gets really frustrated when I can't interpret and answer. Jesse is saying everything -- much more than I ever remember Cole saying at this age. He'll repeat anything we ask him to. Some of his words are dog, ball, no-no, Cole, down, milk, baby, diaper. He'll even moo when he sees a cow and roar when he sees a lion. Super cute.

Now if only they could get along. Jesse's always stealing toys from Cole just to frustrate him. Cole is always intentionally being mean to Jesse (pushing, hitting, slapping, throwing toys at him). It's kinda scary. Really hoping it's just a phase for Cole. I can see the anger and meanness in his face when he treats Jesse like that. Don't know what to do about it, but doing our best!

My Tiny Dancer

Jesse has had a lot of names since coming into this world -- Pteradactyl for the way he screamed, Tiger for the way he would rear back on his legs and put his arms in the air when he was crawling -- now it's Tiny Dancer. He loves to dance whenever music comes on. It's adorable. My absolute favorite is picking him up and dancing with him in the kitchen when the radio is on. He gets this cute smile on his face and we dance and spin. Now when I turn the radio on in the kitchen, he comes up to my feet and lifts his arms up and looks at me to pick him up and dance. I love it!

Why Reluctant?

I was so excited to have a baby. No one had ever told me motherhood would be the most difficult thing I had ever attempted. I distinctly remember a conversation my husband and I had when I was pregnant about how we'd just take our little one with us along in everything we did in life; it would be our current life, just with a child beside us. HA!

The only thing that's the same about my life today, two-and-a-half years later, is my name and my address. That sweet child (and the 2nd one who followed soon after) have turned life as we knew it completely upside down. My body's not the same (bigger hips, grayer hair, more wrinkles); my house is not the same (carpets, walls, and couches especially); my concept of a "full night's sleep" and a "meal" have been redefined; and -- most importantly -- my priorities have been rearranged.

Where I used to be the center of the universe, my children are quickly teaching me that I am not. Kids have a knack for hitting all the right buttons. Ever asked God to change something about you? Guaranteed if you have kids, they're the ones he'll use to change you. It's amazing.

So here I am, finally learning what it truly means to love being a mom. Finding joy in the disappointments, laughing at the mishaps, and cherishing all of the special moments that happen every day -- if I have the perspective to see them.