Decisions, Decisions

Once you're a mom for about 2 days, you realize that every day is made up of millions of decisions.

You are constantly trying to decide on things concerning you, your kids, your hair, whether or not to shower that day, organic or non-organic, find a sitter or stay home, spend or save...the list is literally endless. Some are small decisions that don't really mean anything in the long run; others are more important.

Yesterday was one of those days where I almost shut down because there were too many decisions weighing on me. Little ones, medium ones, and big ones all at the same time.

I finally had to sit down and make a list of them so that they'd stop bugging me. Once I get things out of my head and on to paper, they seem less daunting. And, as my life coach told me several times, getting them out of your head "turns off the faucet" that's dripping in there.

Well, I wrote them all down, so the faucet was off. But I still had a bathtub full of decisions that needed to be made and what was I supposed to do with that?

I did the only thing I knew how to do: ask God for help. James 1:5 says if I ask God for wisdom He'll give it, so I asked God for wisdom on each of those decisions. Some I was able to decide on that day. Others are still in the works. But I at least know I'm not alone in making those decisions. God cares about all the details of our lives, even the teeny tiny ones that don't really make a huge difference anyways (mac n cheese or hot dogs?).

I love wisdom. I can't live without it. I'd drive myself mad if I didn't rely on God for wisdom every day. In fact, any day that I try to do it on my own pretty much results in madness, so it's obvious when I'm not relying on God. But that's a whole other issue.

Off to do some google research concerning a few things on my decisions list...

All my faults running around on two legs

I have a tendency to expect perfection. It's a fault, I know. The person I expect it in the most is myself. And I beat myself up over my own faults. So it's no surprise that I take it personally when I see that my children have inherited some of my characteristics that I deem less than perfect.

My oldest child gets very upset when things aren't the exact way he wants them. I don't mean in a typical toddler way. He's quite obsessive about it. Who does he get that from? Me. And his tendency to be grumpy instead of joyful -- also me.

My youngest child wants everything to be easy. He dislikes any bit of pain. And he's incredibly stubborn. Me again.

Plus both of my children are fabulously dramatic and love to over-react about anything. All day. Just like me.

Every day I'm tempted to think I've done my children a huge disservice by passing my negative traits on to them. But today God showed me differently.

No one is perfect. (Ok, that's not what God showed me. I knew that already.) Faults in my childrens' character, personality, or perspective, are there so that they can work through them. Working through them builds their relationship with God and with others. It causes them to grow.

My children need to fight and win some battles for themselves. So if my kids are going to have any faults to fight through, I'm glad it's ones they've inherited from me. Because I can be there to empathize with them and help them through.

On a side note too, now that I think about it, I didn't notice some of my own faults until I saw them running around in my children. That bad attitude my oldest likes to display all the time -- mine! I like to say that having kids is God's way of changing the things in you that you've always known needed to change but never took the time to do it. Kids will do that to you.

I actually am encouraged to think that there are some things that my children and I will work through together. "Mom, why does our family always...(fill in the blank)." That will be fun.

And what a blessing to be able to recognize the things in my children that I don't want them to suffer through as I have, and to pray that they'll win their battle against those things much sooner than I did. They'll be able to go through life much more unfettered than me.

So, to sum it all up: seeing my faults running around in my children is a blessing, not a curse. And since my kids will be perfect by the time they have kids of their own, I wonder what my grandchildren will be like... j/k.